Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We are two peas in an std pod
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
