It's Friday. Sex?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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