Umm I'm too high to move.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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