His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
