I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I would fuck him just for his dog
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
