I think my vagina is haunted
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
