I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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