so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
