This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
