i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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