hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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