I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
