Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
