Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
