Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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