My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
