it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
