friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
