If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The best revenge is premature balding
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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