Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
