Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
