her facebook's as public as her vagina
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
