I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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