Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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