god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
