I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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