The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
