Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
