so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
