I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Every concussion has its silver lining
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
