Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
