You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
pop tarts are not kleenex
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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