He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
