too bad you live with your parents still
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
