guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
