We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
