I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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