That's intense
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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