Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
