Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
