I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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