Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
