I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
