Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
