Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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