she was so not down for the gang bang
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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