Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Mom said you looked used
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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