Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
