somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Randomize
