I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
