Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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