i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
