i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
