May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize