you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
