I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
