Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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