I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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