There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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