Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
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you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
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I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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