Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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