we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
