So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
