i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
