did you get engaged???
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
