I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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