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Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
