His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
