I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
