Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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