I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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