I wish my penis had an off switch
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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