Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
