i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
