Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
