anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
